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Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad -- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.
kourtney, your hint is on the journal entry before this.
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| Time: | 3:01 am. |
| Mood: |  SUGAR RUSH. |
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well its 3 in the morning now and i'm stuffing my face with fruity peebles hehe. i'm like the cereal nazi, i rule over all cereal, but my favorite is fruity peebles!!!
my poor joey boy is sick sick sick as a dog, hope he is feeling better.
i made lots of new friends today, guess i'm not much of a loser as i thought i was.
yummy in my tummmyy....
screw going back to bed now i'm all fucking hyper, sugar rush!
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Thursday, December 1st, 2005
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i'm having trouble sleeping again, tonight i've got a grand total of 3 hours under my belt, and even though i'm sleepy, i simply can't fall asleep. i'm freaking restless. i wanta call someone and wake them up but thats just horrible, if someone did that to me i'd be like ummmmm could you not waste my time. my foot fell asleep, why can't I?
i'm been strangly alright for the past week, its kinda relaxing kinda creepy, but whatever. Fuck i'm tired, i just wanta go to sleep. My stomach is growling like a bitch, i should feed it but i don't have any food. I wants some loving, Sorry stomach i can't love you tonight, i mean this morning or whatever. GOD DAMIT I"M HUNGRY!!!
super bored. i don't even know why i'm typing anymore whats the point.
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Monday, November 28th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:05 pm. |
| Mood: |  Eh... |
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In a perfect world
One we've never known
We would never need to face the world alone
They can have the world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart
I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere I go
I'm home
If you are there beside me
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I was so afraid
Now I realize
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies
There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes
And if only they could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you
They'd know
Love will find a way
Anywhere we go
We're home
If we are there together
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I know love will find a way
i love that song... go team!
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| Time: | 3:22 pm. |
| Mood: |  drained. |
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You've dried up my tears not only my soul...
don't forget about me.
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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
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its been a little fustrating, but i've been holding on.
if you come to visit me you don't know how much i will cry. because i will get to see you face and hold your hand in mine and stare at the celling fan that i don't have.
i asked nicole if she wanted to come cause i talked to her on the phone, she sounds better, and i miss you guys dearly.
joey and i have been on the rocks for a while. but i love him and i miss him.
when he's here i'm safe and without him i have nothing but lonelyness. i just want him here to tell me that its alright, and have him kiss my forehead.
but i suppose sooner or later he will be here just like i've wanted. i'm sleepy and i slept all day. i can't remember what i have for homework other than that huge german test i have tom, morning.
i'm picking out my classes for next semester, and so far i have CATA 101, GERM 102, EDUC 200, HIST 335 or 105 or 240, i need at least one more class and all the times are so freaking conflicting its really rather annoying. cause i can't take the classes i want and they conflict with the classes i have to take before the end of freshman year. German i have to take, and thats at 8 in the morning, then i need to take CATA cause i took english lit already, so .... god its just dumb, but i wanta take history of ancient societies. that sounds awesome.
anyway, i wanta, but i don't know why anymore. i used to atleast have some type of realitly check but not anymore, its just for the hell of it cause i'm so bored.
i hope i don't get anymore bored than this or it will be bad news for me.
i promised that i was done, but i can't tell you from the drugs.
i can't save me this time, and hope that comes from inside god its so low tonight.
if only you chould see this stranger next to me, you promised you promised that your done but i can't tell you from the drugs.
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Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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Pressure, pushing down on me, pushing down on you... under pressure.
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Friday, November 4th, 2005
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and once you believe its alright. it will be.
but once doubt has settled into your brain and your heart starts to think instead of feel. things turn out the way you wanted it to, but you hurt still. you start to hurt more than before, and before you know it your dieing from the inside and everyone around is wondering if your alright.
are you going to be ok?
are you alright?
whats the matter with you?
whats wrong?
we look away, what could they possibly know about anything. What could they know about your pain.
about actually pain. if anything they couldn't understand yours.
but the thing is the actually pain. its much much more than that. its a part of you thats slowly dieing with each breath you draw.
don't you understand, i'm slowly dieing each day a part of me drifts away, and i'm helpless to do anything about it.
do you understand how you could never understand something like that?
do you?
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Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
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Drink up, baby, stay up all night.
With the things you could do,
You won't but you might.
The potential you'll be,
That you'll never see,
The promises you'll only make.
Drink up with me now,
And forget all about
The pressure of days.
Do what I say,
And I'll make you okay,
And drive them away
The images stuck in your head:
People you've been before
That you don't want around anymore—
That push and shove and won't bend to your will.
I’ll keep them still.
Drink up, baby, look at the stars.
I'll kiss you again
Between the bars,
Where i'm seeing you there,
With your hands in the air,
Waiting to finally be caught.
Drink up one more time,
And I'll make you mine.
Keep you apart,
Deep in my heart,
Separate from the rest,
Where I like you the best,
And keep the things you forgot.
The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore—
That push and shove and won't bend to your will.
I'll keep them still.
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i watched castle in the sky last night, and i realized just how wonderful that soundtrack to that movie is. It's simply amazing. I want to just listen to the songs and close my eyes. and dream. dream slowly of nothing.
its like cowboy beebop music, makes you drift away. tears streaming down your face and a smile forming on your lips.
its un like anything you've ever heard.
kourtney when you read this turn on Blue from my cowboy beebop cd, its the 1st song. listen to it, listen to the words that this person sings with such emotion that you'll cry. Stare at the fan, and just listen and when your phone rings don't answer, and just stare and mouth the words, and close your eyes for a moment and just realize everything.
Listen to her WORDS....
"she's so free
no black or white, feel blue...
don't wake me from the dream."
It's us. its our song. it descirbes us perfectly. don't you think?
ya know what the blue is don't you. its not a good thing to most people but to us, its a world that makes everything so clear. crystal clear.
i'm staring at the picture of you on my desk while i type this, and i know the things that you'll think, the things that you'll remember, but just don't forget to listen to what the words are. the exact words.
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Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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| Time: | 9:05 pm. |
| Mood: |  cold. |
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avoiding homework!
ahhhhh!!!.....
well i suppose if i get up tom. at six in the morning and shower and shit then i can complete my german homework before class at 8 and then that will be GOOD!!!
the problem is getting up in the morning cause i can't do that!
i could try doing it now but what fun would that be. ya know.
my roommate just left the room. i neeeded some tme to myself, i'm listening to music super loud on my ear phones and i'm just looking through old journals and stuff. i love looking back on things. i love remembering the horrible things i wrote about myself.
and then i ask the question is that so wrong?
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| Time: | 12:48 am. |
| Mood: |  rejuvenated. | | Music: | The Birthday Massacre. |
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Just got back from the movies ya'll
went to see SAW II its was alright, but not really scary!
so i would wait for it to come out on dvd before you waste your money on what you might think will be frightening.
joey is super cute, i am so excited to have him here with me next weekend.
Check this out...
http://www.nothingandnowhere.com/index2.php
its super cool, its my favorite band, well one of them. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE!
see you laters guys i'm going to watch FEAR DOT COM!
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Monday, October 24th, 2005
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May
Don't let this one go
forf with your love
she'll grow
be gental please be kind
keep her always on your mind
never overlook her wonderous ways
even though she'll die this may
look into her deep blue eyes.
try not to shed a tear as she cries.
run away passing the time
you'd never know of her crime
she loved you too much
to much for her own good
and it killed her just as you knew it would.
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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| Time: | 7:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  sympathetic. |
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to the girl who has lost all hope, there is a star in the sky shining just for you.
a boy sits on his bed staring at the painting you made him, a smile across his face.
its not something that you think about.
when tears are streaming down your face and your heart is in two
you feel yourself slipping
but his hands are far from reach.
he trys to pull you in
but you push away, why me why would he want me.
the words race through your head and out your mouth.
without a second thought the razon goes against your skin and you realize you'll never see him again.
staring at the celling he whispers your name.
you see he is bleeding too.
he had no point conintuing without you.
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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  groggy. |
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this is the stare i have when i get the way i am.
it smells like ET's ride, in here and i'm reminded of my childhood.
its been hard but i suppose it could have been harder.
i don't know how i can look at people with these eyes but somehow i can do that and at the same time feel no guilt.
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Thursday, October 13th, 2005
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| Time: | 9:14 am. |
| Mood: | chipper. |
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GO CHECK OUT ME NEW LAYOUT!!!
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Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  B DAY. |
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i love my joey he is the sweetest thing that ever walked the earth, he sent me flowers for my B DAY and my fam, bought me a candy tree its awesome!!
WELL HAPPY B DAY TO ME!!!!
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chichichick's journal
I CAN'T SLEEP.
My back hurts!!.
blank.
morose.
nostalgic.